A Day With the Deans: July 2009

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Monday, July 27, 2009

Monday Nights with the Cheatwoods!

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me
By: Leeland

Sooo....
I have been on a writing strike of sorts.
In some ways, it has been voluntary, but mostly, I have had a difficult time recently pinning down my heart and being able to express myself in words.

Let me rewind back to when I first found out medically speaking that I cannot have my own children.
My strike started then...a lot of confusion
and deeper heartache that I've ever experienced
entered in.
It has almost been as if there is a deep part of my heart that has been wounded...
unable to be accessed by anyone.
I have gone through a season of deep sadness.
I feel a lot, but I have been unable to identify what those feelings mean...
what part of my heart they are rising up from.

A couple of weeks ago, the Lord began to gently open up this part of my heart and expose it.
I was at a class at church, and we were spending some time waiting for the Lord.
As we were waiting, I felt the word "disqualified" echoing over and over in my head.
I was honestly kind of annoyed because I was looking for some profound knock my socks off kind of experience, yet I just kept hearing "disqualified."

That time ended, and they began praying for healing
and sharing words the Lord was speaking.
Someone approached me and began praying for me.
I still wasn't feeling much...kind of numb...frustrated.

A friend of mine went to the microphone.
I heard her speaking, but I was unsure of what she was saying.
Nonetheless, she came immediately to me after and spoke the word directly to me.
She had a vision of a skinny cow watching a banqueting table, while people feasted, feeling unqualified...in a famine....unable to partake in the feast before it.
As she spoke these words, I felt a breaking...a part of my heart that was wounded...shut up and unidentified was exposed.
This was it...this is what I had been searching for...
the words for what was going on in my heart.

I have felt disqualified.
Unworthy.
Unable to partake of the Lord's promised blessing.
I have felt that I have been chosen to sit and watch, never able to quite reach and absorb of all the Lord has said he has for me.
It felt as if the Lord has chosen me for his second best.
Plan B
Feeling he has chosen me to just plain suffer in life, to never quite make it.

I would like to say that I have overcome.
I would like to say that I miraculously believe that God does have his best for me.
I would like to say that this portion of my heart has been healed, restored, mended.
I would like to...

But...I am not sure that I am quite there.
I know what God's word says.
I believe it to be true.
My heart still hurts, aches, doesn't understand my circumstances.

I am asking the Lord to carry me to the table right now.
It is the table of the Lord.
A table, where I don't belong...
Neither does anyone else.
Yet...God has chosen us to come...to eat with him, dine at his table.
I am begging the Lord to carry me here.
I want to be swept away by his love.
I know that, when I am at his table, I belong.
All shame...drifts away.
My circumstances have left me broken...feeling alone and confused, but
I am being carried to the table by the Lord himself.
I am being beckoned into the throne room of my God.
My circumstances may not change, but I want to be seated at the table of the Lord.
When I am seated at His table, circumstances have no power over me.
I am simply consumed by my father's love.

End of Strike...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Lake Nacimiento...

Our Campsite.

Last Week, we had the opportunity to take a little vacation. It was the first vacation, as a married couple, that we planned and executed. We did not go alone though. We have two God-daughters...Christina and Hannah...Their entire family joined us on our Lake adventure.
We camped for three nights at the Lake. This was very exciting, considering we both love camping, and we had never had the opportunity to go prior to this. I even had bought Brian a Kelty tent for his groom's gift, and we were able to use this for the first time...maybe the last. It was about the size of a twin sized bed...hot, noisy nights made for pretty poor sleep. Other than the poor sleep we had a blast!

boom. Brian was in heaven. He always make me a little nervous when he because he goes all out. At least, he always gives the We rented a boat two of the days. The second day we got a boat with a wakeboardwakeboardsok sign after crashing. He really is incredible behind the boat though. His family grew up on boats, and my family had boats growing up as well. The whole boat experience is in both of our top 5 favorite things to do.

We were so blessed to go on this trip with the de la Penas. This is Lianne. They are the most incredible family...one both Brian and I look to as an example of what we want our family to look like in the future. We feel like we can completely be ourselves around them, so it made for a great time had by all.

This is my Hannah. I met her when she was just under two years old. She is now going into 8th grade. Where does time go? I once saved her life. It was pretty crazy. I was teaching in her Sunday School class. She was my little shadow...she followed me and cuddled with me wherever I went. One Sunday, we sat down for snack. I was turned around when I felt a little tug on my skirt. I looked down, and Hannah was blue....literally blue...one of the scariest memories in my entire life. I didn't day anything...just picked her up and started running. I took her outside, where I immediately met Nancy one of the directors... I flung her over and gave her the hymelic (spelling?). She coughed it up after the 2nd or 3rd blow to the back. She immediately reached up and snuggled me, falling sound asleep. This was the beginning of a long, beautiful journey with this family.

Right before Brian and I got married, they asked Brian and I if we would be their God-parents. After some prayer, we gladly accepted, and we immediately gained another family to our family. We love them so dearly.

The trip was extremely relaxing. When not on the boat, we spent a lot of time floating in the lake and well...did nothing. It was splendid. It was stinkin hot (107-110), so the lake was pretty much the only place we wanted to be during the day.

The nights were hard, as we had some very noisy neighbors...The third night, a group of people literally stayed up all night. Around 3am they broke out the accordion. #1 Who takes and accordion with them camping? #2 What in the world were they doing playing it a 3am?
To say the least, I was over it.
Our last night, we went out to Big Bubba's BBQ in Paso Robles. Mike fell asleep at the dinner table...He seriously has a gift for sleeping. I am jealous more than words can express.

Our Girls :)

I think we may have to make this a yearly tradition!

Silly Kitty...

What can I name this photo?

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Vacation Time...

We are headed off Lake Naciemento...hip hip hooray!

Hijacked...

Dear Readers,

I see my owner typing on this blog thing constantly, so I thought in my little red headed mind that this is the perfect forum to present my petition...Some might say I am "hijacking" the blog. You can decide.

You see...they think I am just a guinea pig... A small...(well, they call me chubby) , little (well, over-sized) rodent. Little do they know that I am a highly intellectual, well written pig of the guinea kind. Recently, there has been a HUGE change in MY house that has really torqued my cookie. See picture below...

They call her ashes...I like to call her slashes. I know what these killing machines were designed for. This is an outrage! I have made bubble popping, vacuum cleaner sounds long enough...it is time to stand up for myself!

The kitten must go! See the picture below...again, point in case. She looks all sweet and cuddly trying to kiss me. She is just sniffing me, sizing me up, so when she gets big enough, she can take a chunk out of my plump little hiney. It is time for Booger to stand up for her rights...
save the guinea pig!