Random Recent Photos..

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Eliana's First Belly Laughs!!!

 

First, First Thanksgiving!

Hanging on Mommy's Lap

Meet ChCow! (Short for Chubby Cow)

E's Favorite toy to lick!

Daddy took Eli golfing!

Lunch with Great Grandma! 

(check out those bald spots! She sleeps with her head to the side!)

Her Hat from Uncle Tom and Aunt Sheril
"My First Fishing Hat"

Cuteness overload!

I want her to Know...

I want her to know that not a day goes by I don't think about her

I want her to know she is one of the first people I think about when I wake up each morning

I want her to know I pray for her every day, numerous times a day

I want her to know I love her in a way I can't explain

I want her to know contrary to what people think I should feel I don't feel threatened by her love for Eliana. She loves her as a mother loves her daughter, and I understand and embrace that.

I want her to know I do my best every day so if she were watching she would feel proud of me and proud that she chose me to be Eliana's mother

I want her to know I talk to Eliana every day all day and tell her how loved she is

I want her to know I give Eliana kisses from her every day

I want her to know when Eliana smiles it reminds me of her and I think of how much she resembles her

I want her to know I would give her anything in the world if it would help take away any pain she has

I want her to know I can't imagine how hard the holidays are going to be for her

I want her to know that her emails and texts bring me joy and I savor every one of them

I want her to know that I can not wait to see her again

I want her to know that Eliana will ALWAYS know how much she loved her and wanted the very best for her.

(I saw this on another blog, and I found it to be very much the way I feel)

I love my little family!

Part Two: We meet

To Read Part One Go Here

At the end of May, the secretary from the school comes running in my room. She can barely contain herself. The birth mother called her last night and left a message on her cell phone. She lets me know that she plans on calling her back first thing. Since we hadn't heard from her in a while, I kind of freak out. Quite honestly, I look all cool, calm, and collected on the outside. On the inside. I am freaking out. I try not to get too excited because I don't want to get my hopes up. Been there done that, and I couldn't stand another heart ache. Nonetheless, the office is directly across from my classroom, so I can hear everything. I am trying to do my morning routine, and I hear her in the other room talking to the birth mother. Freak out #2....again, only on the inside. During the conversation, the birth mother requests our birth mother letter. She had it read to her earlier but has never actually seen it. The secretary sent it to her straight after the conversation.

We wait another week with no word other than that she has said she would like to meet us, and she will contact us. Holy Cow...holy cow. Longest week of my life.

On Friday, we receive a phone call encouraging us to give the birth mother a call. She was just as nervous as we were, and somehow the ball just needed to get rolling. I receive call back from her on Saturday at our friend's wedding, and we set up a phone conversation immediately following the wedding. I am now super nervous. Holy Smokes! What is happening?!?!

On Saturday, we had the most amazing hour long conversation with the birth mother. I will call her K from now on for simplicity sake:) K is incredible! We love her immediately. As we spoke with her, every ounce of nervousness melted away. Somehow knowing we are all new at this and equally nervous canceled out my nervousness. During the conversation, we shared about ourselves...how we met, how we came to the point of wanting to adopt, and much more. We spent a good amount of time getting to know K too. We hung up the phone, having established our first face to face Meeting... the following weekend...memorial day. Bri and I hung up the phone, prayed, held each other, and gave it to the Lord.

Memorial Day finally comes, and we set out on our 2.5 hr car drive. I am now openly freaking out. Holy Smokes x2! This is all so strange...not ordinary! Yet, it all felt so right. We picked up K at her house. When I first saw her, I wanted to tackle her and hug her, but I withheld. A) because I thought it would freak her out B) She was pregnant and all. We ended up going to In N Out for lunch. Her son joined us, but her daughter was out of town with a friend. Lunch was pretty mellow...a lot of small talk. We then decided to go to the park together. I had brought a picture album with me to show K all of our family and friends. Brian primarily ran around chasing little man while K and I got to know each other. It was so incredible! It was like getting to know a new best friend. I shared stories, showed pictures, described family, described our philosophies on raising children. I had the best time. We switched off with little man a little as well, so Bri could get to know K as well.

We left with our heart full...all nervousness I had when arriving was replaced with awe. I was completely in awe of how God was working...how much he loved me to bring someone as amazing as K in my life. I knew no matter what that we would be friends forever....

It was still unclear how it would all pan out, but we knew without a shadow of doubt that God was at work...

Now some pictures... (with permission of course). These are all from our first visit with K after Eliana was born. I have some from Memorial Day, but I will have to search my hard drive for them, so those are to come later.

 Isn't K beautiful? This is K's daughter. We will call her giggles:)

 She loves her sister!

 Giggles! I love her smile! It melted me the first time I met her!

Here's Eliana's brother "Little Man." He is a ball of energy, with this sweet, gentle side of him that melts you. By the end of the first visit, he was cuddling us.

3 months

Baby Girl,

You are 3 months old! I can't even believe it...you are growing so incredibly fast. Daily we grow more in love with who you are. Your personality is blossoming, and we can't wait to see even more!

We weren't at home for your 3 month birthday, but we took a picture in Papa and Grandma's motor coach anyway. Here are a few of the things that you can do now: 

• You rolled over for the first time on your 3 month birthday! Papa caught the second roll over on video. You didn't want to perform for the camera, so I gave you a little help getting going. 

• You  love to smile. Anytime you see someone you know you give them a ginormous smile. 
• You get super excited sometimes...especially at bath time. You give us this cough laugh thing and flex all your muscles. 
• You love to play with your lips. You suck on them and imitate our chewing when we are eating. 
• You are super strong. You hold up your head amazingly...you have almost since  you were born. 
• During tummy time, you push your chest off the ground. 
• You sleep 10-11 hours a night. You love your daily routine, and you stick to it. 
• You are super laid back. You rarely ever cry...only when you are hungry, and I am not feeding you quickly enough. 
• You eat 3-5 oz of formula every 3 hrs while you are awake. 
• You are the easiest baby I have ever met for traveling. If we plan it right, you take your long nap and sleep the entire ride from LA to SLO. Crazy. You love your car seat.
• You are still wearing your 0-3 months clothes. Your arms are too long for a lot of your long sleeves, but you are swimming in the 3-6 months  clothes.
• Your shoes still don't really fit. You have super narrow teeny feet. 
• You are grabbing your toys intentionally now. Last month you would bat them with your arms. You try to grab my food while I am eating.
• You love animals. You get a huge smile on your face when one is around. 
• You lick your hand like a lollipop. 
• I can't have the TV on around you because you become entranced by it. 

I am sure I will think of more, but you are waking up from your nap. I love you so much sweet girl...I cannot imagine our lives without you. I know God has big plans for your life. Wherever we go people  want to know all about you...all about your story, and I am able to share God's miracle daily with strangers. Everyone who meets you falls in love. I don't blame them. You are amazing!

Love, 

Mommy (I waited a long time to say that word)

2 months old...

Some recent photos of Eliana as a 2 month old:)

Carseat shinanigans...

Silly girl. 

When she gets in the carseat and is tired, 

this is what she does. 

She yanks her headband down until it is over eyes. 

The moment it covers her eyes. 

BAM. 

She's out like a light.

Sweet fairy girl...

Updated Photos...(kind of)

Well, I have not had internet for almost a month, which makes updating a blog rather difficult. 

Eliana is growing like a weed. (she is still a peanut though ;)

I cannot believe how time is flying by. 

Daily we become more and more in love, which I thought was impossible. 

I thought the love for her I had when taking her home maxed me out, but it just keeps growing. 

Here are a few photos from her first month of life. 

First Doctor's Visit...

We took Eliana home the 25th of August, and she had her first doctor's appointment the day after. It was her first official outing aside from our 3 hour drive home. She weighed in at 8lb.5oz. She left the hospital at 8lb.3oz., so she was gaining weight back. yay!!!

It was crazy because in the doctor's office was the first time that we ever saw Eliana really cry. Literally she hadn't cried, except for right after her birth. Pretty wild! She did not like be cold and naked on the doctor's scale.

I brought a blanket along, not thinking about which blanket would be best. The blanket I brought was not the softest, and it just added fuel to her fire. Brian swept her up though and whispered in her ear...said something like, "sweet Eli Belly, just imagine...imagine your are in the western sierras, dead of winter, you have a wool blanket on you...you are warm." She calmed immediately. Go figure. Note to self: talk to her about being in the mountains when she is upset.

PART 1

So...I know you are all dieing to know the details of who, what, when, where, how our sweet Eliana is with us now. Mostly, I will be sharing details these next couple of days, so I do not forget. This has been an incredible journey, and I want to get it down on paper from my perspective before it all fades. Here goes nothing...

PART 1

In April 2011, a couple of women walk in the school office where I work. The secretary and a dear friend of mine is at the desk chatting with them. Somehow one of the women begins to share some very interesting details of a situation she's in. She explains that she adopted a baby girl 18 years ago from a woman who now lives in Minnesota. She goes on to share that the woman she adopted a baby from is now helping a young woman find a family for her unborn child...Still with me? She asks the secretary if she knew of any families who are open to adoption. 

My friend nearly jumps over the table to pin her down and make sure she has our birth mother letter. She gets the email of the woman in Minnesota and emails our birth mother letter. By the end of the day, I have a one hour long conversation with the gal in Minnesota. She is amazing! I loved talking to her and sharing our story. She ends the conversation by telling us that she will share all of what we talked about with the birth mother. Holy cow!

I call Brian immediately, and we begin to pray about the situation. Throughout this entire process, I have had an enormous amount of peace. At the beginning, we really didn't get our hopes up...We had been in several other situations before. None had panned out. We just felt honored to be able to love on this mother, pray for her and minister to her at whatever level God made possible. 

We hear a couple updates at the beginning of April after the initial conversation. Enough for us to know how to specifically pray. April passes. May practically passes. I have decided that she has decided another route, where we aren't an option. I continue to pray for her, but I assume we are out of the picture. Until May 23rd... 

The birth mother calls the secretary...

To Be continued...

Eliana @ 2 weeks old...

Here are some photos of Eliana @ 2 weeks. We are completely smitten and in love.

Daddy and Eli time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tilEAd6JPBo

Introducing...

 Eliana 

"God has answered"

Faith

 8 lb. 8 oz.

20.5"

Perfection.

Verses of Hope...

"No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame." Psalm 25:3

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." Psalm 33:18

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22

"The Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love." Psalm 147:11

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what
he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have,
we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:12

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of
what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled)

Banksy in Boston: Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled)

I was perusing Facebook the other day, and I stumbled upon this artwork.
It struck a bit too close to home.
Follow Your Dreams...with a big old cancelled sign plastered across.

We dream from the time we are little.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a wife.
When reality hits, I am a pretty mediocre wife.
Self-centered at best.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a teacher.
When reality hits, teaching is challenging.
You give your life for a group of kids with little return.

When I was little, I dreamt of having a beautiful home, decorated to a tee.
When reality hits, everything costs money, and we don't have much.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a mother...
This is the one that hurts the most.
When reality hits, I am infertile.
I can't have children.

Sometimes reality bites.
Sometimes it feels as if all hell is against me seeing my dreams fulfilled.
The enemy comes full throttle, head on, full frontal attack.
Against what?
My dreams.

Satan desires to single hand idly kill my dreams.
You see there is a reason God gives children the ability to dream untamed.
When I was little, nothing could stop me from seeing my dreams made true.
I was certain my dreams would come to fruition,
no matter the enormity...
I would see it happen.

When I was little,
I wanted to grow up to be a cartoon.
No joke.
A cartoon.
I always though cartoons looked so cuddly and sweet,
and well, I wanted to be one.
Why not?
I believed with all my heart that one day.
I would be a little Wilma Flinstone
with Pebbles and Bam Bam babies following close behind.
Ridiculous.
I know,
but I dreamt without reserve.
Some might call this naivety.

I call it a gift.
God innately puts the ability to dream big in the hearts of his children.
God's dream for my life is limitless.
He sees the big picture.
I do not.

When I look at my life, I see my circumstances.
I see a woman...
Going on 5 years of waiting to become a mother.
realizing she has a lot to learn.
often times working hard to get a step ahead...just to be brought two steps back.

This week Brian had an emergency appendectomy.
So...you know that adoption fund we've been working so hard to build up.
Well, we can say goodbye to a big chunk of that.
two steps back.

"Reality" is a constant enemy to my dreams.
I look around me.
Look at my circumstances, and it all seems so far off.
BUT.

God's word says,
"walk by faith not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
I'm thinking I need to close my eyes more often.
Tell the waves around me to shut it.
Keep one foot in front of another.

Walking by faith, not by sight.

WHEN I walk through the fires, He will be there waiting for me.
I will not be burned
I will not be set ablaze.
When I pass through the waters,
He will be with me.
When I pass through the rivers of life,
I will not be swept away.
Isaiah 43:2

Life has been a bit tumultuous lately.

I have been fragile.
Struggling to believe the best.
Wanting to give up on dreaming.

Although my dreams may seem far off,
I have to buckle down.
Close my eyes.
Dream like a child
and continue on.

My Love.

Almost five years ago, in April, I had the honor and privilege of marrying the love of my life. Since that day, we have experienced many adventures as a married couple. Without a doubt we have experienced the ups and down that life and marriage bring. We have set out on adventures ourselves, establishing our own...becoming more and more one each day. Some adventures have brought great joy and other adventures have included great challenges, yet through it all we love each other deeply.

My husband is incredible. I know I say this because...well, he is MY husband, and you would hope that I would, but the reality is that he truly is incredible. He is excellent in all that he does. He is incredibly handsome. He loves me with a sweet, unbreakable, unconditional love that can only explained through Jesus. In times when I have not deserved love or even asked him to stop loving me, he has continued to pursue me...to love me deeply. In fact when I have insisted that I am not worthy of his love he has loved me more.
I love the way my husband knows me. He seeks to know me more daily...seeks to understand me, see me more each day. It is and incredible thing to be known by someone. Daily he leads me to Jesus. I am one tough cookie, and I am often difficult to lead. Still, he leads me towards my maker. Points me back to Him when I stray off course. Bri is patient with me through my stubbornness.

I believe that laughter has been our greatest gift. It has carried us through some of the most dark times of our lives thus far. Daily I can expect to laugh with my husband. We have such similar senses of humor...it is scary. God has granted us the grace to laugh at ourselves, laugh at our short comings, laugh at our days to come.

Valentine's Day can be silly. It seems ridiculous that we would need to take a day out of our year to love someone. I would hope that I would express my love to him daily, without reserve, yet an extra reminder never hurts. Today, I honor my husband. He daily leads me, daily loves me, and daily sees me. I appreciate all that you do Bubbie. Thank you for always reminding me of what is true...1) I am loved. 2) everything is going to be o.k.. I love you more than the mountains and the seas and the oceans. What we always say is true: I wouldn't want to do this journey with anyone else.

iheart faces

This will be my first time entering a photo on iheart faces.
This is my favorite photo of the Booskie this month.
This is indeed my favorite Face picture of January.
I love the detail and intensity of her eyes in this shot.