PART 1

So...I know you are all dieing to know the details of who, what, when, where, how our sweet Eliana is with us now. Mostly, I will be sharing details these next couple of days, so I do not forget. This has been an incredible journey, and I want to get it down on paper from my perspective before it all fades. Here goes nothing...

PART 1

In April 2011, a couple of women walk in the school office where I work. The secretary and a dear friend of mine is at the desk chatting with them. Somehow one of the women begins to share some very interesting details of a situation she's in. She explains that she adopted a baby girl 18 years ago from a woman who now lives in Minnesota. She goes on to share that the woman she adopted a baby from is now helping a young woman find a family for her unborn child...Still with me? She asks the secretary if she knew of any families who are open to adoption. 

My friend nearly jumps over the table to pin her down and make sure she has our birth mother letter. She gets the email of the woman in Minnesota and emails our birth mother letter. By the end of the day, I have a one hour long conversation with the gal in Minnesota. She is amazing! I loved talking to her and sharing our story. She ends the conversation by telling us that she will share all of what we talked about with the birth mother. Holy cow!

I call Brian immediately, and we begin to pray about the situation. Throughout this entire process, I have had an enormous amount of peace. At the beginning, we really didn't get our hopes up...We had been in several other situations before. None had panned out. We just felt honored to be able to love on this mother, pray for her and minister to her at whatever level God made possible. 

We hear a couple updates at the beginning of April after the initial conversation. Enough for us to know how to specifically pray. April passes. May practically passes. I have decided that she has decided another route, where we aren't an option. I continue to pray for her, but I assume we are out of the picture. Until May 23rd... 

The birth mother calls the secretary...

To Be continued...

Eliana @ 2 weeks old...

Here are some photos of Eliana @ 2 weeks. We are completely smitten and in love.

Daddy and Eli time...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tilEAd6JPBo

Introducing...

 Eliana 

"God has answered"

Faith

 8 lb. 8 oz.

20.5"

Perfection.

Verses of Hope...

"No one whose hope is in you
will ever be put to shame." Psalm 25:3

"But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love." Psalm 33:18

"We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O Lord,
even as we put our hope in you." Psalm 33:20-22

"The Lord delights in those who fear him,
who put their hope in his unfailing love." Psalm 147:11

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12

"'For I know the plans I have for you', declares the Lord,
'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future.'" Jeremiah 29:11

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what
he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have,
we wait for it patiently." Romans 8:24-25

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:12

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
for he who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of
what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled)

Banksy in Boston: Follow Your Dreams (Cancelled)

I was perusing Facebook the other day, and I stumbled upon this artwork.
It struck a bit too close to home.
Follow Your Dreams...with a big old cancelled sign plastered across.

We dream from the time we are little.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a wife.
When reality hits, I am a pretty mediocre wife.
Self-centered at best.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a teacher.
When reality hits, teaching is challenging.
You give your life for a group of kids with little return.

When I was little, I dreamt of having a beautiful home, decorated to a tee.
When reality hits, everything costs money, and we don't have much.
When I was little, I dreamt of being a mother...
This is the one that hurts the most.
When reality hits, I am infertile.
I can't have children.

Sometimes reality bites.
Sometimes it feels as if all hell is against me seeing my dreams fulfilled.
The enemy comes full throttle, head on, full frontal attack.
Against what?
My dreams.

Satan desires to single hand idly kill my dreams.
You see there is a reason God gives children the ability to dream untamed.
When I was little, nothing could stop me from seeing my dreams made true.
I was certain my dreams would come to fruition,
no matter the enormity...
I would see it happen.

When I was little,
I wanted to grow up to be a cartoon.
No joke.
A cartoon.
I always though cartoons looked so cuddly and sweet,
and well, I wanted to be one.
Why not?
I believed with all my heart that one day.
I would be a little Wilma Flinstone
with Pebbles and Bam Bam babies following close behind.
Ridiculous.
I know,
but I dreamt without reserve.
Some might call this naivety.

I call it a gift.
God innately puts the ability to dream big in the hearts of his children.
God's dream for my life is limitless.
He sees the big picture.
I do not.

When I look at my life, I see my circumstances.
I see a woman...
Going on 5 years of waiting to become a mother.
realizing she has a lot to learn.
often times working hard to get a step ahead...just to be brought two steps back.

This week Brian had an emergency appendectomy.
So...you know that adoption fund we've been working so hard to build up.
Well, we can say goodbye to a big chunk of that.
two steps back.

"Reality" is a constant enemy to my dreams.
I look around me.
Look at my circumstances, and it all seems so far off.
BUT.

God's word says,
"walk by faith not by sight" 2 Corinthians 5:7
I'm thinking I need to close my eyes more often.
Tell the waves around me to shut it.
Keep one foot in front of another.

Walking by faith, not by sight.

WHEN I walk through the fires, He will be there waiting for me.
I will not be burned
I will not be set ablaze.
When I pass through the waters,
He will be with me.
When I pass through the rivers of life,
I will not be swept away.
Isaiah 43:2

Life has been a bit tumultuous lately.

I have been fragile.
Struggling to believe the best.
Wanting to give up on dreaming.

Although my dreams may seem far off,
I have to buckle down.
Close my eyes.
Dream like a child
and continue on.

My Love.

Almost five years ago, in April, I had the honor and privilege of marrying the love of my life. Since that day, we have experienced many adventures as a married couple. Without a doubt we have experienced the ups and down that life and marriage bring. We have set out on adventures ourselves, establishing our own...becoming more and more one each day. Some adventures have brought great joy and other adventures have included great challenges, yet through it all we love each other deeply.

My husband is incredible. I know I say this because...well, he is MY husband, and you would hope that I would, but the reality is that he truly is incredible. He is excellent in all that he does. He is incredibly handsome. He loves me with a sweet, unbreakable, unconditional love that can only explained through Jesus. In times when I have not deserved love or even asked him to stop loving me, he has continued to pursue me...to love me deeply. In fact when I have insisted that I am not worthy of his love he has loved me more.
I love the way my husband knows me. He seeks to know me more daily...seeks to understand me, see me more each day. It is and incredible thing to be known by someone. Daily he leads me to Jesus. I am one tough cookie, and I am often difficult to lead. Still, he leads me towards my maker. Points me back to Him when I stray off course. Bri is patient with me through my stubbornness.

I believe that laughter has been our greatest gift. It has carried us through some of the most dark times of our lives thus far. Daily I can expect to laugh with my husband. We have such similar senses of humor...it is scary. God has granted us the grace to laugh at ourselves, laugh at our short comings, laugh at our days to come.

Valentine's Day can be silly. It seems ridiculous that we would need to take a day out of our year to love someone. I would hope that I would express my love to him daily, without reserve, yet an extra reminder never hurts. Today, I honor my husband. He daily leads me, daily loves me, and daily sees me. I appreciate all that you do Bubbie. Thank you for always reminding me of what is true...1) I am loved. 2) everything is going to be o.k.. I love you more than the mountains and the seas and the oceans. What we always say is true: I wouldn't want to do this journey with anyone else.